Romanian Orthodox monk warns of ‘virtual narcissism’ fuelled by social media validation

The Very Rev. Protosyncellus Sofian Costea has discussed the tendency to seek the approval of others online in a new episode of Doxologia’s video series “ASKetica”, explaining that “we chase after vainglory and motivation that comes from people, and less after the glory that comes from God”. Fr Sofian, who is blind yet continues his online ministry, highlighted how the desire for validation can feed the ego and transform social media from simple communication tools into spaces where people seek to establish their own worth. “A Holy Father once said that the end times are approaching, or that the beginning of the end times comes when the paths between people become blocked, when channels of communication disappear, and people communicate in an increasingly rigid, superficial and artificial manner.” Fr Sofian Costea stressed that this search for approval is part of a broader phenomenon of attachment to things that provide image, status or recognition, which “not only distances people from one another, but often takes over social relationships that had previously been well established”. “This void created in terms of communication had to be replaced with something. And what has replaced it in the world in which we live? Online validation, the cultivation of the ego on social media, and social media reaching the position of a god of the soul for those who are so attached to these networks.” Between likes and real relationships Fr Sofian Costea highlighted the effects of online validation on relationships, stressing that it cannot truly replace presence, dialogue, and communion between people. “It is a disadvantage that leads towards the passion of narcissism. It is an extremely serious deviation. What is a person with a narcissistic personality like? Such a person always puts themselves first. They behave egocentrically, see themselves before everyone else, minimise all their faults and exaggerate their qualities.” “These narcissistic behaviours have their most harmful effects within the family. A wife who suffers from narcissism will never put her husband first, but will constantly seek to enhance her own sense of worth. Likewise, a husband who has this passion will neglect his wife and children, regarding himself as the god of the family,” the father added. Fr Sofian warned that this constant need for appreciation can fuel what he calls “virtual narcissism”, which “arises from the desire for approval on social media” and “is extremely serious, taking you captive and making you dependent without you even realising it”. “It makes you dependent on technology and social media, and you turn an existence that should be concrete and tangible into a virtual existence, imagining that you are liked by everyone.” God above the validation of others Fr Sofian explained that attention must be redirected from the validation offered by other people towards true communion: “Let us give God the importance that we give to those whose validation we seek on the internet.” “If we related to the good God with at least the same degree of interest and intensity that we show towards our presence on social media, would things not be much better?” The protosinghel urged people not to allow the virtual environment to replace concrete life and authentic relationships. “Seek a real, concrete and clear existence, in the light that comes from God alone.” “May God help us truly to live in the light of His Resurrection,” Fr Sofian Costea said in conclusion. Photo: Facebook / Father Sofian Costea